Tuesday, 13 December 2011
Things That Make Me Happy: Perfectly Aligned Wrapping Paper
People are going to tell you that the best thing about giving a gift is the gratitude of the recipient. Others proclaim the best thing is the joy that comes from giving. Others still get their kicks from selecting the perfect pressie.
I say fuck them. They have no idea.
The UNDISPUTED best thing about giving presents is when you've wrapped your gift so well that the pattern on the paper matches up at the join. Sometimes its so good it hurts to see the gift opened.
Haters gunna hate, but I just snatch that gift right back from them. I tuck the gift under my arm and run, screaming to the skies that they don't appreciate the beauty of symmetry, the majesty of alignment, the perfection of indiscernible layers.
I take the gift to a special room filled with perfectly wrapped gifts dating back from 1982. The whole room, filled with pristinely wrapped gifts. Peaches and Cream Barbie, A Sega Master System, Castle Greyskull complete with He-Man and She-Ra dolls, Gem and all her Holograms, a 3D plush ALF wrist watch, Teddy Ruxpin - If I ever wanted to I could unwrap these items and make a mint online, but its not what lies inside that matters here. What truly matters is the perfection of correctly aligned paper. Pure. Sleek. Crisp.