Don't think I haven't noticed. I've been seeing your little indiscretions. Your promises turned out to be lies. You sold me on you by pandering to my most base and embarrassing fears. Everything I have been avoiding in my day to day life you told me you could make better. But that was just a story, wasn't it?
It turns out that while you are a convenient place to hide my dirty dishes, you never come good on your promise to wash all the stains away. So today is the day I unmask you for what you are: a yuppies toy. I stack you according to the manual, and run you with your recommended product, and yet...
One wash'n'rinse with you and every glass comes out opaque and covered in grit, the inside of coffee mugs looks like the interior of a tobacco chewers mouth, the surfaces of my dinner set look like varicose veins, and don't get me started on how poorly you attend to my cutlery.
Dear Dishwasher, please, check yo'self before you wreck yo'self. In order to assist you with this I will now go on a journey to my local store with the intent of making my own homemade alternative products in order to meet my needs. Until then, consider me rubber gloved and sudsy.